Roy Mustang's Infallible Book of Pick Up Lines
by Little-Miss-Horror-Addict
Summary: Ever wondered how Mustang manages to get all those dates? Is it his smouldering looks, or charming smile? Nope, It's his infallible pick up lines, so cheesy that no woman could bare to say no.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is basically just for my amusment, So, I'll update it whenever i have free time.**

**Roy Mustang's Infallible Book of Pick Up Lines.**

Line 1.

Colonel Roy Mustang entered his usual bar on a Monday night. The start of his week had been awful, but he hoped it would get better tonight. He chose his usual seat, the one where it was easiest to subtly check out the bar's customers.

Much to Roy's delight, a gorgeous woman with chocolate hair and deep green eyes, took a seat just one barstool away from him. During the time of Roy's first drink, he finds that she has no wedding or engagement ring, and by her conversation with the barman, isn't waiting for anyone.

Roy decides to make his move. He gets up from his stool, pays the barman and approaches her subtly. He then stands behind the woman and puts his hand at the collar of her shirt and checks the tag on it, which says the name of some designer he doesn't care about.

"Excuse me?" The woman asks, turning to face Roy.

He glances obviously at the tag and smiles charmingly. "Yep, I was right. 'Made in Heaven'."

Line 2.

Roy gets off his train, glad to finally be back in Central and spots the incredible looking woman he had spotted on the train. Grabbing his bag, he makes sure to walk in her direction and then 'accidently' bumps into her.

"I'm sor..." He begins, but drifts off when he looks at her face, as if he's just seen the most beautiful woman in the world. He stares at her for a second, then smiles. "You wouldn't happen to have the time would you?" He asks.

The woman nodds and tells him.

"8:25? So today is April 12, 1914, at 8:25 PM. Thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams." He says, staring at her. She smiles.

**Okay, that's the first two. REVIEWS will make me love you ^.0 ~Little-Miss**


	2. Chapter 2

**Roy Mustang's Infallible Book of Pick Up Lines.**

Line 3.

On a clear night in Central, with the full moon glistening in the sky, Roy Mustang smiled to himself on the park bench where he sat. There was a gorgeous blond beside him, who was obviously wanting some attention from him.

Roy looked at her, his expression showing concentration, and she smiled sweetly. Roy looked up at the moon for a second, and then at her again. He looked back at the moon one final time and sighed, looking troubled.

"Is there something wrong?" The woman asked gently.

Roy looked at her and smiled as charmingly as he could. "Well, I always thought a full moon was the most beautiful sight, but now that your here, the moon is dull in comparison."

Line 4.

It's a busy day of work in Central, and Roy looks up to the clock to reveal, to his relief, that it is, in fact break time.

So he bids farewell to Riza, who pointedly caresses her gun while instructing him to be back on time, and makes his way out of the office.

Roy finds himself smiling as he runs into a pale, brunette girl, who he knows works answering phones for the military. "Oh, wow. Did it hurt?"

The girl looks around self consciously, before asking, confused, "Did what hurt, sir?"

Time for the knockout smirk, while he replies, "When you fell from heaven. Only angels have a right to be _that_ beautiful."

**Okay, and thats the next two. I hope you enjoyed them. By the way, if anyone has a line they want me to use, or someone they want a line to be used on, then say so in your reviews. **

**Oh and REVIEW please, and make me love you ;) ~Little-Miss**


	3. Chapter 3

**Roy Mustang's Infallible Book of Pick Up Lines.**

Line 5.

"And so I said," A soldier talking to Roy continued the punchline to his joke. "That's not an Icelandic Transvestite cotton farmer - That's my wife!" He finished cracking up.

Roy sighed, looking around the bar. He really needed someone with a few more braincells to talk to. And all the better still if that someone was female.

Mustang looked around the bar, for anything really, that could get him out of this conversation. Then he spotted her. Tall, blonde and stunning. Queue the harps playing and cherubs flying, this woman was beautiful. Angelic, perfect. And he could only see her from the back. He could only imagine how beautiful her front was.

He HAD to have her. ROy grinned, thinking of his latest line. This one was in the bag. All he had to do was walk up to her and nonchalantly say, "I love your dress....but it'd look alot better on my floor." And smirk his prize winning (in his imagination, anyway) smirk, and she'd be his.

"I need another drink." Roy told the soldier, getting up and walking the the bar where the beautiful blonde babe was standing. She was wearing a rather modest dark blue dress, but her figure managed to rock it.

"Excuse me?" Roy said, tapping her on the shoulder, and the stunner turned to face him.

She had a mildly suprised look on her face. "Sir, I didn't realize you were here." She said.

"Hawkeye!" Roy gasped, then tried to keep his cool. "Yes, well, I- er. Thought that was you. HAHAHAHA!" He laughed nervously, realizing he'd almost tried to pick up his lieutenant. "Well, I uh, better get back to um...that thing I was doing. Uh, bye." He walked back to his table.

Riza raised an eyebrow. _This_ was the man she was trying to help become Fuhrer?

Line 6.

After a few days, Roy was finally gain enough to go back to the same bar he had mistakenly tried to pick up his lieutenant in. This time, without the soldier who had a really bad taste of humor.

Roy looked around the bar, wary of all blondes, until his gaze landed upon that of a brunette. She was wearing red, and looked like a total babe. Maybe not as good as Hawkeye the other night, but still she was hot. And probably not as trigger happy.

Roy sauntered over to the woman, who looked as if she was waiting for someone, and smiled charmingly.

"How much does a polar bear weigh?" Roy asked.

"How much?" The brunette replied, looking vaguely amused.

Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm Roy."

"I'm Vanessa."

Roy held out his hand with a grin. "Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk, Vanessa?"

**Okay, there's your update. Oh and for whoever asked, The finale will be Riza's turn. Hehe. Now REVIEW for me...Please? ~Little-Miss**


	4. Chapter 4

**Line 7 is inspired by the guy who (badly) tried to hit on me in maths...**

**Roy Mustang's Infallible Book of Pick Up Lines.**

Line 7.

Roy was at the pub with his male subordinates, when the topic of his womanizing ways came up.

"It's not fair!" Havoc wailed, more than a little intoxicate. "Why do you get all the luck with women?"

Roy smirked. "My charm, my smoldering good looks." He suggested. "How could any woman resist me?"

"$20 you couldn't get her number." Falman said, nodding towards a girl sitting alone at the bar.

Roy glanced at her. She was maybe twenty five and not his usual type. She seemed a little cold. But there was no way she could resist the Mustang charm!

"You're on."

The crew looked on as Roy got up and walked to sit beside her.

She reminded Roy slightly of Edward's automail obsessed mechanic, as she was working away fixing a broken radio.

"Hi there. That looks tricky."

"Mmhmm." She replied, idly.

She didn't even look at him! How was she supposed to be blown away by his fantastic appearance if she wouldn't look at him?

"So, you come here often?"

"I'm working."

Roy frowned slightly, but since he knew the guys were watching, there was no way he'd quit.

"You know, you're really pretty."

She turned to look at him. "You know, you're really annoying."

Roy pouted. "I was only trying to be nice."

"Well I'm not nice."

Roy smirked this time and lowered his voice. "I like a bad girl."

She only managed to glance at Roy before cracking up. "Oh...my...God...That was....too much."

Roy raised an eyebrow, not sure whether her laughing was a good sign or bad.

"Hey, you look good at fixing things..." She looked back to him.

The entire crew watched in awe, as Roy said something the the woman and she smiled and wrote something down on a piece of paper. Roy thanked her and bought her a drink before coming back over and showing them her number.

"How'd you do that?" Havoc asked. He had hit on the same girl just yesterday and she'd been heartless and cold towards him.

"I told her my phone was broken, and when she asked what was wrong with it, I said; it doesn't know your number."

**It's only one line this time, but its for a reason. I begeth thee to review**... ~Little Miss


	5. Chapter 5

The second he saw her he knew he wanted her. Gorgeous hair, face, legs and... everything. The problem with beautiful people though, and Roy knew this from much experience, was that they knew they were beautiful. Not that such a thing could deter him.

They were walking along the street, almost side by side, when they had to stop for the traffic lights. _Perfect_. Roy thought, smirking in his drop-dead way. He looked at her and she glanced at him.

"This is why I love this city." Roy began, shifting so he was ever so closer to her. She looked back curiously. "You never know when you're going to run into a beautiful woman."

She smiled, but shook her head, as if telling herself he was a no-go.

Roy decided to speed things up a bit. "Roy Mustang. A _pleasure_ to meet you."

"Adelaide Miller." Was the distant response. "I'd love to stay and chat -" She said, as they began to walk across the road "- But I'm late for work."

"Oh? What is your work?"Roy asked, knowing with this information he'd be bound to see her again.

"I'm a check out chick." She replied.

Roy smiled. "What a fitting job. As I'd certainly like to check you out."

**Taadaa, an update after many, many weeks of nothing. Sorry about that I was totally out of lines. Therefore you can all thank adelaidemiller who gave me this one. :D And hey, iff anyone wants to offer anymore updates will be so fast. ~Little Miss**


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